Do you ever sometimes feel like there is a divine intervention happening in your life? I have never pretended to be particularly religious even though I grew up in a Methodist church and truly believe that some of Christianity shaped me into who I am today.
However, I certainly can appreciate faith. Sometimes it is faith in yourself, sometimes in your spouse or family member, and sometimes it is faith in a higher being. These last few months I have witnessed a tremendous amount of faith through the passing of my friend, Carolyn. I always admired Carolyn on her faith — her courageous fight through cancer inspired me every single day and her unwavering, unassuming faith was incredible. We would often talk about faith and God, and especially during the last few months of her battle, we talked about it more.
She would reassure me that we would see each other again. That she will meet me at the gates and let me in. That the goodness inside me can’t be explained by anything except God. That I was just a little lost right now, but it’s okay because she will put a good word in for me (after all, she is going pretty soon and she’s sure she would have some pull). I would smile and just soak her in. I knew these moments were dwindling for us, and if this provided comfort to her, then I would never do anything to take that away.
Carolyn’s family speaks about always feeling her around and that this has helped them process her passing, and I can’t help but feel the same. She is everywhere inside my life, and I’m so thankful for that. She continues to provide comfort to those that love her, and she continues to show her presence exactly when you need her.
I’m faced with a major life/career decision right now, and all I can think about is how eerily perfect the timing is. You see… Carolyn always joked with me that I was never allowed to leave her. We were a package deal, so if I ever decided that I was leaving our company, I had to negotiate that she was coming with me. We would always laugh together about this and I would promise I would do my best if that were to ever happen. In the six years that we worked together, there were a handful of times that I remember seriously looking at leaving the company, and Carolyn could just sense it in me. She would just look in my eyes and flat out ask the question “did you just go on an interview yesterday?”. I could never lie to her. Each time we would have a long talk about life – she would cry, I would cry – and she would make me promise to never leave her. I would never say those exact words out loud but instead go back to our two for one deal.
Eighteen months ago I was offered a new position, and my heart sunk knowing that I was going to have to tell her I was leaving. Like a sixth sense, she instantly knew something was wrong when I walked in the door that day. She literally knew me better than I knew myself sometimes.
And so I told her. After a very long day, I decided to turn down the offer and stay with her. My boss at the time probably thought he convinced me to stay, but it wasn’t just him. The thought of leaving Carolyn was just too much – my heart wasn’t ready and either was hers. When I told her that I turned down the offer, we cried together and she thanked me for not leaving her.
Fast forward to her last serious hospital visit…. By some crazy chance, I was able to finally get a second of alone time with my friend. I knew she would speak honestly with me if we were alone, and I was ready for that. However what came out of her mouth surprised me — she thanked me for never leaving her. I’d heard this a thousand times before, but this time was different. She knew she wasn’t coming back to work, and so this time, she didn’t just thank me. She looked at me and said:
Now you can leave.
Now you can follow your dreams.
I know I was selfish and should have never asked you to stay, but I needed you.
With tears streaming down my face, I just hug her and tell her that she is the only reason I never left. I was never going to leave her, because I needed her more.
If you are still reading, I’m sure you are wondering where this divine intervention comes in… Just days before Carolyn passed away, Kevin and I learned about a possible opportunity that would require a relocation and offer us an opportunity to live abroad. Of course then, the timing was completely overwhelming to me because all I could think about was my dear friend. I can’t leave her. Not now. I had no idea how much time I had left with her, and I was cherishing every moment. So I didn’t put a lot of thought into it – it seemed unrealistic. But then she passed. My world changed.
But she is continuing to show her presence to me.
She continues to remind me that I can leave now. I can follow my dreams. Have faith.
How do you argue with an angel?
