Dear Carolyn:
How has it been two years? Can you believe it? I miss you. It feels like a lifetime ago that I’ve heard your sweet voice, yet at the same time, it feels like yesterday. I have so many things I wish I could have shared with you – so many adventures we could have had together – so many laughs and hugs – so much dancing.
Instead we were forced to go different ways —
- Your path brought you to healing. You were hurting in ways that nothing on earth could cure. I wasn’t ready, but I know that you were.
- My path started in the opposite direction. Grieving. Unbelievable sadness. A search for something different. A new start away from the life I once knew.
Thankfully our paths rejoined. I was lost for a while, but I found you again.
I’ve actually been thinking about that moment a lot lately — do you remember it? Of course you do, you were there. It was just over a year ago in [Dublin] …
You always knew when I needed you the most, and I know that is why you showed up on the bridge that day. I didn’t realised it then, but you knew exactly what you were doing. You always had a magical intuition about you that continues to surprise me.
While you and I both know that I struggle with the concept of religion, you never wavered which is how you showed me [faith] and signs are real. So seeing your light on the bridge — I can’t explain it — the only word that seems sufficient is peacefulness.
I felt at peace.
I felt my heart moving from grieving to healing.
Out ofall the sadness the last year held, my life changed course because of it. I knew that then, but more than ever, it felt like the plan all along instead of a reaction to something sad. And now, every time I see the Ma’Penny bridge in person or in photos, I stop for a while because my heart feels at peace.
So this past year was dedicated to healing, growing, learning. Regardless, I still wish I could pick up the phone to call you, or send you a funny pin on Pinterest, or show up at your door step with a plate of brownies for a girls night in.
I can’t believe it’s been [two years].
I miss you. I love you. Always.
Love,
Jessica
